The last couple of months I haven’t had a lot to say here or in real life. Didn’t stop me from going on at the mouth, but I digress. I’ve pretty much been a homebody for the last several months. I don’t know why. Maybe the change in weather or maybe just a change in me.
I know one thing though. I take my life more seriously now. I don’t fuck around doing shit that puts me in harms way. I’ve also grown tired of the ‘player’ life. Not that I ever was one. I guess I’m kind of ready to settle down a bit and have a normal life.
Normal life? How the hell does somebody do that. I’ve not yet managed to find a girl that can put up with me. In my own defense I’m not so much of an asshole as I am a rather blunt person. I’d probably fit right in the crowd in a place like New York. :P Hell, I’m not even that blunt. I just say it and move on.
Of course I’m also a shy person. Secretive I suppose. I don’t like telling about myself. You know… the deep inner me. I don’t see much point in it.
Anyway. That all I’ve got. Time to get back to what I was doing before.
Later.
I’m rather curious if anybody is actually reading this. If you are please take a second and add a comment. I don’t care what you write.
Thanks
I’m convinced that no matter how hard you try some people you simply will never stop thinking about. They are so burnt into your psyche that you can’t forget them. Today has been a day of reflection for me. Sadly, for me anyways, those reflections have been mostly on missed opportunities. One in particular.
“I’m haunted by my passed. Not for the ghost who I’ve wronged, but for the fleeting spirits that filled the emptiness inside me. If for only a moment they would return. They joy I could once again feel.”
First, a random thought that has nothing to do with this post.
I was driving around today with the windows down and the stereo playing some good music. The fall colors were spectacular and the sky was filled with big puffy white clouds. I couldn’t help but think that my personal heaven could be a long winding road through the country side during the fall. Just an endless colorful path filled with gentle curves, cool breezes, and good music.
End of random thought.
The last few month have been extremely stressful for me. Changed jobs, new responsibilities, and other stuff that I’m not going to get into. Putting things into perspective hasn’t been real easy either. To say the least getting a grip on things has been a bit tougher than I would have liked it to be.
All these things have forced me to reevaluate how I’ve been living and what’s important to me. Don’t get me wrong I haven’t been living horribly or anything like that, but I’ve been kind of just sailing along not paying attention to the path I was on. Not noticing the signs. Not listening to what I know was right. I feel fairly lucky that I woke up in time to apply the breaks before slamming into the wall.
Faith
I’ve struggled with the idea of God for years. Well, that is to say I simply chose to be ignorant on the subject and close my eyes to anything that might bring me around to a better understanding. I’m still struggling. However, I feel like God has been talking to me. I’ve started to listen. To learn. I don’t own a soap box yet and I’m not running off to save the world with some profound new knowledge, but it’s a start in the right direction. All that I can really say is that I pray a lot more than I use to.
